What does "Scary Movie" even look like in 2026 to someone who has never seen it before? Stock up on popcorn, call your buddies, and turn on the VCR: let's see how long we can last!
Scary Movie
Cindy is an ordinary high-school student at an ordinary American school. That is, everything in her life is just like everyone else's: sex, booze, weed... well, okay—not for her personally, but for her friends, including the goofy classmate who keeps hitting on her. Life is pretty good for the sweet girl—one might even say wonderful—except that the sexy girl next door died the other day, and people around town have started talking about some masked killer... that's when Cindy realizes that someone KNOWS WHAT THEY DID LAST SUMMER on HALLOWEEN on FRIDAY THE 13TH. One SCREAM won't be enough to get out of this!
An amazing artifact. A comedy that is still funny despite a third of the jokes being terribly dated gags and questionable humor. At the same time, it has a charming lead heroine, quite amusing supporting characters, several brilliant jokes ("We hit a boot!!", "Do I look gay?" and "Whazzuuup!" — "Whazzuuuuuup!!"), and... surprisingly, a SORT OF meta-ironic commentary where the characters SOMETIMES SEEM to realize what insane trash they exist in ("You watch too many horror movies!"), and in the end that helps them survive. Well, those who survive. Those with enough brains.
No, it's definitely not a masterpiece—homophobic jokes (funny ones), lots of sexism (a product of its era, okay), transphobia (not okay), and racism (!), a COMPLETE excess of toilet humor (though I admit the glory hole joke and the penis-in-the-ear gag made me laugh), plus a general atmosphere of absurdity that in the films of Abrahams and the Zuckers was more... cohesive, stylistically refined, and restrained (yes, it's funny even to me to call "The Naked Gun" and "Airplane!" restrained)—but this imbalance and deep rootedness in its era don't prevent it from making you smile at least a little. Yes, the Miss Man scene seems like perfect fuel for the current hysteria in the U.S. against trans people, but absolutely terrible jokes like "I saw this movie in theaters but didn't finish it—the Black guys in the audience started a shootout!" or "A white chick got killed, let's get out of here, Black brothers!" spoken by Black characters... I don't know why, but it's paradoxically funny. And it works.
Oh, and there's the overall cartoonishness in the spirit of Jay and Silent Bob's adventures (although, again, they—even they!—were SMARTER (!) and more heartfelt). Scenes like running from the killer while throwing a bicycle, a grandmother, and a piano at the grandmother, or almost every episode with Shorty, who's so stoned that (spoiler!) even his bullet hole is smoking hashish—it's all very funny.
So, it's a paradox. A terrible comedy with absolutely no taste in half its scenes, yet one that you still can (and should!) laugh at. And... it's a portrait of an era gone forever. The end of the '90s, a year before 9/11, sex and youth, stupidity and fun.
They don't make movies like this anymore. (Sadly?)
Rating: 5.5/10, a collection of sketches of varying quality that never quite becomes a truly noteworthy film, but it parodies horror movies from "Scream" to "The Blair Witch Project" in a very recognizable way. Cindy Campbell is mega-cute.
⭐⭐⭐⚫⚫
P.S. I probably should have watched it in the original rather than the dub... oh well. I'd rewatch it if it weren't for all the penises.
Scary Movie 2
Cindy, Brenda, Shorty, and Ray have gone to college and are trying to live their lives. But no such luck: the devious Professor Oldman and a paralyzed weirdo named Dwight trick them into coming to a cursed mansion where an EXORCISM once took place, where people supposedly see GHOSTS OF HILL HOUSE, and where all kinds of POLTERGEIST and SHINING-style madness is going on. At first, the gang is mostly bothered by a foul-mouthed parrot and an extremely perverted, shriveled-handed butler. If only they knew what awaited them...
Well then.
A comedy packed with parodies—even more than the first film—but with fewer genuinely funny jokes and truly amusing situations (rather than just idiotic ones or those based on, let's say, basic bodily functions). To be fair, complete trash in the less flattering sense starts right from the opening minutes: in a parody of one of the scariest horror films ever, adults sing dirty songs, a little girl wakes up and tells them to go to hell, then pees herself for two straight minutes (ha-ha). Her mother explains, "The child is sick," and smacks her upside the head, after which a Holy Father arrives by taxi (without paying) and immediately inspects the cursed house, starting with the bathroom after some spicy Taco Bell. Then comes the famous scene: "Oh, fuck no..." — "Father!" — "But did you see that? Did you SEE that?!" which culminates in a crossfire of projectile vomiting. Wonderful, simply wonderful—a true pinnacle of humor! And that's just the first seven or eight minutes.
I was generally prepared for the fact that the direction of the previous film—which made a gigantic box office haul in its day and spawned an entire genre of "Vampires Suck" and "Epic Movie"-type films—meant that the writers (there were SEVEN of them) deliberately played with things meant to offend someone. Shock value, I get it. Black characters joke about "Black people," disabled people race around in wheelchairs and say things like, "I can suck myself off, I don't need help!", women are frequently hit, mocked for their appearance, and have sex without active initial consent... no, the world really has changed quite a bit since then, and I think that's a good thing. I can't find this funny anymore—and I don't regret that.
I'm just curious: how could seven people sit down and decide that vomiting priests and a possessed girl are a great joke? That a bisexual guy in a dress is hilarious? That an elderly man bringing two women together in hopes of lesbian scenes is such a clever rascal? And everything is like that. Half the jokes are beyond the limits of minimally good taste—at best as a gag or one-off joke, and at worst simply repeating similar situations from the previous film. Did the Wayans brothers feel so invincible after the success of the first parody?..
I don't know, I don't know. The plot falls apart into separate scenes that have little connection to each other. The direction is bland—even though the budget is significantly larger and there are actual special effects this time.
Cindy Campbell is still cute, but her performance here feels less sincere and more buffoonish. (Though it's obvious everyone had a blast filming it, and some of the lines may have been improvised.) Ray has become a duller character: in the first movie he was a gay man desperately (but hopelessly) pretending to be straight; here he's just Brenda's somewhat odd "cool" boyfriend, and the absurdity level is lower. Shorty remains the comic relief, and some of the funniest jokes in the movie involve him (when the weed inside him rolled itself into a joint and started smoking, and when one scene lets us look inside his skull, where there's nothing but emptiness and a tiny man saying, "He's smoked all his brains away for real!"). Brenda is more irritating than funny, and I won't even talk about Cindy's new boyfriend—his entire storyline is the same joke repeated over and over: "You want to be friends? Then here's a smack on the head, friend!" interrupted only by a soul-saving ejaculation onto a "friend" in the name of love...
In short, I don't know. The only unquestionable advantage is that the film is only an hour and twenty minutes long, not longer. Actually, there is one more advantage: compared to it, the first "Scary Movie" looks almost like a golden masterpiece and a beloved classic. Wazzuuup!
⭐⭐⚫⚫⚫
Rating: 3/10. Something tells me a bold parody-comedy doesn't have to be sexist, racist, or simply disgusting. Or maybe I'm just no longer twelve years old and unable to laugh myself silly at this kind of humor...
"Scary Movie 2" is great only as a collection of isolated scenes on YouTube.
P.S. Want a funny "Exorcist" parody? "Repossessed" with Leslie Nielsen. Yes, it's no masterpiece (IMDb rating 4.8/10), but it's still miles above the opening of "Scary Movie 2," if not downright more intelligent. "We've tried everything to get the demon out of her—sex, drugs, rock and roll..." — "Wait, Father, we haven't tried rock and roll yet!" Tons of visual jokes, amusing wordplay, even a light subtext along the lines of "don't watch too much television, even televangelists."
P.P.S. The poster has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the movie's actual scenes: nobody ever puts on Hannibal Lecter's mask. Damn marketers.
Scary Movie 3
Cindy has graduated from college, dyed her hair blonde, adopted a son, and become a reporter. The job isn't easy, and Cindy's values don't quite align with those of the TV station management: they want murders, sex, and weather reports, while she wants to investigate paranormal phenomena (hey, that's where her heart lies). But she'll soon get a chance to prove herself: a pair of not-particularly-bright girls watch a cursed videotape and receive a PHONE CALL, while on a remote farm a former priest walks into a cornfield and sees SIGNS. It seems humanity shouldn't relax just yet: INDEPENDENCE DAY is still a long way off... Can Cindy Campbell escape this MATRIX, unravel a mystery of interplanetary proportions, and finally find her simple feminine happiness?..
Wow. Well, would you look at that. The third film in the series that I FINALLY liked. It took them three tries to hit their stride—unbelievable.
It seems like all the core ingredients are there: not every parody is dumb, the humor is risky, the situations are absurd, the actors ham it up magnificently (Anna Faris, you wonderful little cinnamon roll), and there's plenty of pure mischief... but damn, this time all the elements are fitted together almost perfectly and finally WORK. The scenes are paced with a certain rhythm, the gags are funny (at times hysterically funny!), the grotesque exaggeration is built into the scenes themselves, and the recurring jokes (like the poor kid who keeps getting hurt while the simple-minded Sidney never notices) actually feel appropriate.
Yes, some of the parodies feel a bit forced (although the legendary George Carlin and the already slightly worn-out Leslie Nielsen hardly need an excuse for a cameo role), and not every joke stays within the bounds of good taste (like the priest-nanny—everyone remembers the scandal in the Catholic Church, right?), but damn, after the previous film, where genuinely awful jokes made up the majority, this is a huge improvement.
"Scary Movie 3" is a parody that works. Maybe it even works better than the first installment. The first movie has a certain nostalgic glow in the public memory and can still provide a fun time, but for some reason I laughed noticeably more at this third entry. From the very first scenes, you can tell the film knows what it is. It understands how to build scenes so they're funny. How to make all this absurd stupidity feel amusing rather than ridiculous and annoying. The first two films had a crude, anything-goes energy and a complete lack of brakes that more often left me bewildered or put off than entertained (or maybe I just don't find jokes about disabled people or deviants funny), but here the style is clearly different—tidier, more professional.
It's a small glimpse of greatness from a fading genre: "The Naked Gun," "Airplane!," "Hot Shots!," "Spaceballs," "Austin Powers"—surprisingly, but "Scary Movie 3" doesn't look out of place in that lineup. At the very least, Leslie Nielsen, whom I adore, starred in far worse movies than this.
So there you have it. I'm very surprised and happy. I started watching without any particular expectations, but the opening with the blondes trying to solve a kindergarten crossword puzzle, beating each other with pillows, chairs, and vases, and then getting upset because TV said electromagnetic radiation shrinks silicone... yeah, a bad movie simply cannot start like that!
(with Pamela Anderson's great assets, "the king is in the palace")
Rating: 6.5/10 — possibly the best entry in the series. I will definitely rewatch it; it's very funny. And Anna Faris is just ridiculously adorable. Her performance in this installment brings back some of the sincerity that was present in the first movie. Warm-hearted, in a way... "Don't commit suicide, live for Sidney Campbell."
⭐⭐⭐⭐⚫
P.S. Wow, so that's where it all comes from: the film was directed by David Zucker (of "Airplane!" and "The Naked Gun"), and written by Craig Mazin ("Chernobyl," "The Last of Us"). These people know what they're doing.
P.P.S. Confirmed: spoiling this movie is pointless (there's barely any point in it anyway! kidding), and if you've seen some scenes on YouTube before watching, you'll be like Leo DiCaprio in "Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood": "Oh, it's Charlie Sheen versus Michael Jackson!" Plot-wise it means nothing, but the giggles, the dancing, the crotch-grabbing, and the ripped-off nose are masterpieces in their own right.
Scary Movie 4
Sidney is looking for a job and ends up working as a caretaker in a cursed house that definitely has some kind of CURSE. The poor girl will once again have to dust off her skills for dealing with PARANORMAL PHENOMENA, even though all she really wants is to fall in love again! Fortunately, yet another unemployed loser named Tom (not Cruise) lives next door and gets along great with kids (if only he could remember their names...). But trouble never comes alone: NEW YORK is hit by WAR OF THE WORLDS, and the heroes will have to seek refuge in a MYSTERIOUS FOREST—while also taking part in deadly survival games, because JIGSAW has already prepared his traps...
Let me say right away: this was unbearable again. It seems like many elements from the previous movie are still here—visual gags, slapstick, background humor, Leslie Nielsen dragged out of retirement once more—but almost none of it works. In terms of cringe and secondhand embarrassment, it's on the level of the second installment: more jokes about piss and shit, Viagra overdoses, racist jabs, and all the other hallmarks of quality comedy. Some scenes are amusing, like the beginning of the "Brokeback Mountain" parody, the fake Japanese with "Mitsubishi Motorola," and "Damn kids, I should sign an abortion bill." Some background situations get a smile. But most of them barely provoke any reaction at all: they either literally repeat jokes from the previous movie (a boy got hurt there, a girl suffers here), have little plot value (like cameos from Dr. Phil or Mike Tyson—they've also brought back the Miss Man parody, haha, so funny), or shamelessly pad the runtime (like the scene at the very end: for those who didn't know, it's a reference to Tom Cruise's famous breakdown on Oprah. Great joke (not)—I had to Google it!).
What's even more disappointing is the sheer laziness of the plot. Tom Ryan's storyline is literally a remake of Steven Spielberg's adaptation of H. G. Wells's novel. The same scenes, the same rhythm. But with jokes like "grab her boobs" and "stop stealing my car." Amazing. The third movie in the series also heavily borrowed from films like "The Ring" and "Signs," but damn, at least it was woven into the story more elegantly. Here... I don't know, it feels like the Wayans brothers came back (no offense meant to them).
What keeps you from turning it off, as always, is the wonderful Anna Faris. Her character stubbornly refuses to get smarter with age: still the same silly and naïve blonde (previously a brunette) with a big heart and a kind soul (and terrible luck when it comes to apocalyptic disasters and dangerous maniacs). Regina Hall is also great: for a change, her character doesn't even die this time, which is ironic. The entire movie rests on these two women—they are the only, albeit weak, reason to keep watching this series.
It feels like the series died around this point. The next "Scary Movie" was made without Faris and Hall due to scheduling conflicts, and they only reunited now, in 2026, with the release of the sixth film in the series, directed by the creators of the first two movies, the Wayans brothers. I'm not sure I'll watch it—as you've probably gathered, the third movie unexpectedly turned out to be my favorite. And maybe I'll rewatch the first one someday, but not with much enthusiasm.
These were some very scary reviews—thank you for reading to the end. Don't forget to keep an eye on your surroundings so you don't end up on ELM STREET during HALLOWEEN, especially if it falls on FRIDAY THE 13TH on the anniversary of THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE.
Rating: 4/10, same rake, same ditch. A pointless waste of time—they even ruined what worked perfectly well. And the creators are the same! I wonder what Craig Mazin ("Chernobyl," "The Last of Us") thinks now about the screenplay he wrote for this movie...
⭐⭐⚫⚫⚫
P.S. Even jokes about Michael Jackson lose their edge when they're told twice.
P.P.S. I have to admit, the movie does have one flawless advantage, but you'll never guess it. The poster! For the first time, it actually shows characters and references that are genuinely in the movie.
(Except for the gorilla. There is no gorilla in the movie. Sorry, Harambe!)
Final Verdict:
"Scary Movie" (2000) - 5.5/10, amusing and naïvely cringeworthy, an el clásico
"Scary Movie 2" (2001) - 3/10, more expensive and bolder, but worse
"Scary Movie 3" (2003) - 6.5/10, pretty fun, in the spirit of "Airplane!" and "The Naked Gun"
"Scary Movie 4" (2006) - 4/10, trash and a downgrade
"Scary Movie 5" (2013) - no Anna Faris, we're skipping it
"Scary Movie 6" (2026) - Anna Faris is back, we're waiting
"Scary Movie 7" (202...) - and they'll make it too!
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